Nico’s Online Dating, Pickup & Seduction Blog.

I went out with very insightful woman last week. Who said she had different views on relationships and monogamy than her girlfriends. I asked her to explain.

She said “Men should not be forced to be Monogamous” In shock and awe of this brilliant woman I asked “Why?” she said “it’s not natural for them” and  “you can be his friend and have the truth and a great relationship or try to control him and be lied to.”

She also understood that to men having a fling keeps his sex drive alive where monogamy generally kills it so the woman in the relationship also suffers.

I asked her if that meant that she should also not be monogamous she replied “No, when I’m in a relationship I don’t want anyone else.” And  “If most women thought like this there would be almost no divorces.” I agreed!

The stats support what she’s saying. Sure some monogamous men are happy. But most if you talked to are actually tolerant rather than happy, becuase they believe and have been brainwashed to believe they have no other option or choice.

And it’s not proven that committed men live longer. Men in relationships live longer, that does not mean they have never had sex with anyone else. I’m not at all against relationships. I have been in several both monogamous and open and both were wonderful times in my life.

For MOST men the dating world sucks, they risk the rejection, spend the money ( I don’t spend money on a woman until I know she’s into me, then I’m very generous), most of the really attractive women out there are low quality in all of the other areas so approach with caution! (ask any experienced man and he’ll tell you the same.)

Many of those married men that look so happy, are not monogamous they don’t wear signs saying “I cheat.” And neither do women.

Some men do find women they are 100% into and are 90% compatible with and it’s so good that it’s easier to fight the desire to be with another women.

But for most it’s not the case. 66% of marriages end in divorce. And I don’t think I have ever met a married man that didn’t tell me “Don’t get married!”

And no I’m not the last word and her view is certainly not the norm for a woman. The last word lies with each individual. I’m just a person looks at the reality of the situation as a whole and every man I have ever had a serious talk about this with says the same thing “I want my wife but I’d like to have sex with another woman once in a while” It’s like a pressure that builds up and needs to be released. You either release it or have an explosion.

The one’s getting some on the side are MUCH happier than the ones that don’t for the most part, unless they have guilt issues.

Anyway I don’t agree that most women will agree with this. Only maybe those that do therapy with men, or prostitutes as both see the sides of men they hide from the women in their life. Or maybe women like my friend that some how has also come to the same conclusion through what ever means of observation of the reality of the situation.

The few women I have met that share this view or were raised to and they are much happier and less stressed out and my friend above that told me her view is one such woman.

What really needs to happen is Men as whole and to just come out and say “ENOUGH! this is how we are deal with it!” and end the lies and pretense. Because you can never be true to someone else if you are not true to yourself.

Most men want a relationship but we are wired to want to have sex with other women by nature. Nature will ALWAYS prevail over social conditioning, social contracts,etc… Look around at all of the evidence. Disagree all you like but the fact and static and behavior of people speak the reality of the situation.

This is a response to a question my face book friend Brent posted. I thought I’d post it here also.

“It all depends on where you are in your  life and what you want. I find that often it’s best to take some time alone or single especially if you are one of those people that have never been alone or jump from relationship to relationship as most very attractive women do because it’s so easy. A lot of women don’t leave one man until the have another lined up. I see the less in men.

People that are never single and never spend any time alone really don’t have a relationship with their self or even know themselves well. When you don’t know yourself or have a quality relationship with yourself how can you ever expect to really  have quality relationship with another person.

People also need to wake up from the LIE we are sold that we need someone else to complete us. We must find that inner peach and feel completed  and happy our own then we will attract others to us that also feel that way.

Relationships are Mirrors that show us aspects of our self and also reflect back to us what we judge harshly in others. So you really need to asses what you have learned from the relationship about yourself, your actions, reactions, and also what you have discovered that you are attracting in others and what you want and do not want in a future partner and relationship.

Without that you’re pretty much going to attract the same thing and often make the very same mistakes as you did last time.

Now if you’re just dating and there are really just seeing someone for a month you should still learn about what you want and don’t and your actions and reactions. But you don’t need a cooling off period that’s as long or even one at all.

BTW you can apply this way of thinking to your entire life, your job, family, sports, a conflict with a random person. This is the way I live everyday.

Asking how I attracted a situation, where my actions the best I could have taken and what would I prefer in the future.”

I was reading a woman’s post on face book and decided I’d answer it here.

She said “I think people who are in relationships and who engage in things like cyber sex with a stranger or outright cheating are usually insecure. In my experience a person who cheats usually does it out of fear and insecurity and not out of desire. We are all human, and even the most monogamous couples will find themselves attracted to other people, but only the weak and insecure feel the need to engage.”

From a woman’s point of view maybe it is why they cheat…

But in my opinion and from talking to many, many other men it has nothing to do with insecurity at least on the man’s side of things.

It has to do with the FACT that our DNA is programmed for us to seek out sexual partners. Every straight man has it. (I’m not gay so I have no point of reference, I wonder also since gay men don’t have sex for procreation if that has an effect?)

This desire for “New Pussy” or a “New Partner” to be a bit more PC can diminish if you are with a woman that is 99%-100% what you want but the truth is most people settle especially most men that did not have many options in the first place. But even then after a time the sex often get’s old and you lose your desire EVEN when you still love the women 100% with all of your heart and would do anything for her.

What women don’t understand is that men often cheat not to destroy a relationship but to save it and them selves becuase they feel like they are dying inside. Because their sex drive dies from monogamy, then they lose interest in having sex with their partner then she feel neglected (and maybe this is where the insecurity comes in that she was speaking of) and she goes out and cheats becuase someone else gave her the attention she needed and she blames the guy saying he didn’t keep up his end of the deal.

You see it all of the time 40% of marriages are sexless and over 60% of marriages end in divorce.  It gets to the point where you think I have to either end this or cheat. Some cheat some end it. Then after they end it they want it back. Why becuase their primal need encoded in their DNA been filled.

Because what they really needed was the release like letting off a steam pressure valve.

The part women don’t understand is that often if the man is still attracted to his wife/GF the being with another woman energizes him sexually and re-awakens his sex drive for his partner once again.

Women in other parts of the world understand this and deal with it. Women in the U.S. want ownership of the man, and to neuter him like a cat. Of course then he is no longer the same man they were attracted to, he just sit around get’s lazy and is shadow of his former self.

You also look at LTR couples. The 100% faithful men after years are usually fat lazy and miserable and their wives hold them in low regard. Then look at the men that are suspect of cheating they usually are in good shape and have wives that adore them and try to keep their attention.

What are the first signs that a man is cheating? New clothes, going to the gym more often, taking better care of himself. Interesting sounds like a new zest for life hmmm.

Women can argue all they want but history proves my point and so do the statistics and since they are not in a man’s body that have no point of reference. There are very few monogamous animals namely Doves and Wolves.
(http://news.softpedia.com/news/Monogamy-is-an-Oddity-42006.shtml)

BTW attractive women often cheat more then men anyway as it’s so much easier for them and they are much better liars. At least that women have told me.

No point complaining about it ladies. We as men have to deal with you all being status seeking whores and do not mean that in a derogatory manner. It’s just another fact, but to put it nicer women are all sexually attracted to and willing to put out for highest status males, regardless of their current relationship status. (In all fairness that is very broad generalization and while it tends to be accurate there is a small percentage of women that don’t fit that description that are actually an aberration to the normal female pattern that last woman I dated was one of those women, she actually resisted very high status men out of fear of being dependent on them, but she is not typical in way shape or from.)

We have the mass procreation gene and you have the partner trade up gene. So all we can do is just deal with it and stop stressing about it and appreciate each other for the thing we like.

And and this is from a man that has never cheated, but has also not been in fully committed relationship in 9 years. I let my partners know where that stand from the start. But was recently told by a woman I should just shut up and so what I want like everyone else so I guess being honest is not appreciated.

I’m willing to try the monogamy thing with the right woman again someday, if we can be both totally open and honest and express how we really feel instead of just telling each other what we want to hear.  But it seems to me most women don’t want the truth they only want to hear what they want to hear even if it is a lie.  Sorry ladies you can’t have it both ways, you either want honesty and communication or you want to hear the fairy tale.

Anyway just my take on things. Oh yeah to me the real insecurity is when you feel like you need to control or own your partner becuase some how that will a make you happy.